Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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