Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
