i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Randomize
