I accidentally burped into my bong.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
this hospital has no fireball
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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