remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
