Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
