pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
