I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
