I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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