hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
