I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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