she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
