not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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