I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
