Your mouth is God's brothel.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dick very happy bro
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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