Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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