Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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