I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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