I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Mom said you looked used
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
