Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
