last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
