i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
