I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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