I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
