This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
