I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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