one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
