So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
