He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
