I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
