I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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