He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
