i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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