What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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