I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
