Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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