So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
