I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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