I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
