I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
