I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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