I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
