I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
True college students do jello shots in the library
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
