Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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