? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
