Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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