Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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