Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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