Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
