Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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