We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
